I Am Water

I travelled for an hour to find myself on the outskirts of a forest. I walked aimlessly along a well travelled dirt road, over hills and across broken land until I stumbled across this sanctuary. I finally reached my destination and it felt like I had reached home. 

I stood on the edge of a rock cliff looking down on the cascading waterfall. The large pool of water called to me as it has always done. From my earliest memories I can remember feeling a strong connection with water; so fluid, so strong, so powerful. 

I have a great fear of shallow living but a great depth and desire to be more than what I am. Like water I am a contradiction of so many things. Water can move mountains but it can also destroy cities. Its beautiful but terrifying, strong yet fluid, it can cleanse life yet so easily take life. 

I am a water being, I feel connected to myself and to mother earth when I am embodied in the element of water. I close my eyes and I float, my body is weightless, my mind is clear and I am home. 

History

I could not love you if you could not understand.

I could not love you if you could not understand that your skin colour does not define who you are. If you are white, black, caramel, yellow, red or any other colour you have been blessed to be. Embrace it. Love it. I have been fortunate enough to never experience racism first hand. Friends of mine have. A male friend of mine with darker skin told me he wanted to scrub his skin off so he could be a better person. My heart died hearing him say this. For anyone else thinking the same please hear me when I say - WE ARE ALL EQUAL. You are beautiful no matter what skin colour, race or religion. If someone tries to put you down for your beautiful skin colour that radiates over your entire body they are not worthy of your time. Just because I have pale skin does not make me better than you. Just because you have darker skin, in know way makes you less than me. We are both one in the same.

I could not love you if you could not understand that all love is the same. It does not matter if a person prefers the opposite sex or the same sex. It does not make them different, it does not mean they need a label to define them - the love you give to another human does not define you. The love we give to another human is the same no matter if it is male or female. If I love a woman that does not mean I am confused. If a male friend of mine is in love with another man that does not make him disgusting, or weird or 'gay'. He is still the exact same person he has ever been. He does not need a label to define him, to shape him, to condemn him. All love is equal whether it is between a boy and a girl, two men or two women – heck lets throw an orgy of sexes in the mix. It does not matter.I could not love you if you were racist, sexist or homophobic. 

I could not love you because I refuse to love someone who empowers the oppression of others. Who demonise's and marginalises other beings for having a different skin colour, belief system or for being born a certain sex. I see each and everyone one of us as equal, if you cannot than I am sorry.

All images are by Eleanor Landford

Crazy/Beautiful

'You are crazy,' he said. 'That's why I chose you.'

I have been described as many things - crazy, eccentric, insane, charismatic, even wild. 

I like to think of it as a positive attribute. If someone was ever to ask why, I would merely say that I am an adventure, you just never know what you are going to get, and thats what makes this wonderful life I am living exciting.

I don't want to be you or someone else. I want to be and feel every single part of what makes me, me. If I want to scream I will scream. If I want to make love with a stranger, dance naked in the rain, I will. Why? Am I self destructive, a loose cannon perhaps? Maybe. Maybe I just want to do and experience everything I feel. Thankfully those feelings are harmless and just a little fun, but I don't want to bow down to what people think is appropriate.

A man said to me recently,'You are crazy. That's why I chose you. You were not following the norm. You didn't seem to care about yourself or others, you just did what you wanted.You were crazy, but  god you were beautiful.' 

Blurred Lines

I sat with you in the hospital trying to make light of the situation. You sat there with catheters in your arms and tubes pumping medicine into your veins.

You didn’t deserve this - so kind and gentle. You deserved what I had but took for granted.  My mind was dying but so to was your body. I watched you many moments after that day struggling with your disease wishing we could trade places. Wishing I could suffer for you instead.

We were both so sick. One of us had no choice; the other had all the choices in the world.

We laid on the floor in the darkness. I felt your body tense up and your breathing begin to get heavier. I turned around so we were face to face in the darkness. I could see the outline of concern written across your brow. You closed your eyes and breathed in deeply. ‘I love you,’ you whispered to me in the night. I kissed you in return knowing that I could not say it back. I did not believe you, for you see, who could ever love a monster like me? 

He liked you from the start. There was no hesitation. He could see your soul and your soul held nothing but compassion. You swung his little body up onto the slide and helped him slide down. I was there at the bottom to catch him as you had caught me so many times before. We stood there all three of us and I fantasized that maybe one day this picture would actually become a reality. A little family of our own.

On my wall there is a hand written note that says ‘I will love you until the last rose dies.’ I still have that rose forever preserved in my draw. Surrounded by memories I am not yet ready to let go of. Forever preserving what couldn’t be. For you have died my sweet and with death so to dies your love. Your soul has been gifted to another whilst I sit here trying to come to terms with the fact that you have gone.

I type this slowly with tears streaming down my face knowing that I will never see you again.

Maybe we can go on a holiday together at some point you said. This is our holiday, our last trip, our final goodbye. We are travelling in opposite directions with a small hope that one-day we will meet again. But for now you are gone and it is easier for me to just let you go.

End of the world

I love the way an image can make you feel. Capturing a single moment  in a frame that will last forever. I got lost in the photos imagining an entirely different world that was untouchable. 

Photographer - Kara Rosenlund 

Location - Satellite Island, Tasmania 

Wedding Cake Rock

Damsels in distress , giants on machinery zooming through the forest and a cliff face of death… this was my Saturday. Ok, ok it is slightly exaggerated but what was supposed to be a casual bush walk with friends turned into one massive, exhilarating and exciting adventure.

We began our walk in the Royal National Park to Wedding Cake Rock early Saturday morning; me and three friends. My friends slowly trudged their way along the path, making their way slowly to what would soon be our destination. Not me, I was on an adventure. I wanted to walk fast, get to Wedding Cake Rock as soon as possible and experience the wanders that this National Park had to offer. Needless to say I separated from the pack and raced ahead.

Stupidly only one of us had a working phone and knew the way to get to the rock – obviously this person was not me. So after approximately half an hour of me walking on my own I reached a fork in the road. I look left there is not a soul in site. I look right and I see one person on the horizon, so I turn right.

I stride ahead confident in my decision. After a period of time with only the company of dead shrubbery and the whispers of bush animals do I start to think to myself, am I lost? I have probably walked approximately 3-4km and should probably have reached my destination by now. As I continue walking ahead I finally come across human life. Two large gentlemen kitted out in motorcycle gear with large spears strapped to their backs. In my head I am thinking, don’t look at them, say hello and just move forward. As I move past them I finally notice that I have reached the end of the road. The end of the road being absolutely nothing. I have obviously gone the wrong way.

Kindly, one of the gentleman - we shall name him Adam - asks me if I am ok. To put this into perspective Adam is probably about 6’8’ tall and is a very solid man, not intimidating in the slightest (insert sarcasm). I toss up whether or not to lie or to tell the truth. Generally I would say don’t talk to strangers but alas I was in a bit of pickle and they looked like I could outrun them if things turned sour. I told them where I was supposed to be and they politely informed me that my destination was a whole other hike in the complete opposite direction. Looking like a lost sheep I think Adam and his friend Sean took pity on me.

“Well I guess we are going to have to give you a lift then?” My first thought went straight to my mum and I blurted something along the lines of ‘oh god my mother is going to kill me.’ Ha classic. It took a solid ten minutes of them trying to convince me but eventually I was swayed. With nothing but one of their helmets on my head and a firm grip around Adams waist I was on the back of a motorcycle racing through the bush.

I am going to let you in on a little secret, when a man riding a motorbike says that he will take it easy he is lying. We flew over, puddles, through sand and mud to get to my destination and I was shitting myself the entire time (not literally, I have better bowel control than that). Half way through this ‘joy ride’ he yells out to me in his deep Scottish accent, “you aren’t a lawyer are ya love?” “No I’m not, why do you ask?” “Just in case I actually do crash this bike I wanted to make sure you weren’t a lawyer first”…. Thank you Adam, that is very reassuring whilst I am already on the moving bike.

Finally I see some speckles on the path in-front. I recognise my number one lady ahead and I start screaming her name. Joyous to share my adventure with her and also so excited that I have not died. She turns around and is probably blindsided by the mass of man coming straight towards her on deadly motorbikes, so I pop my head to the side hoping she will catch a glimpse of my mop under my helmet. As soon as she sees me her body slightly crumbles into a fit of giggles. When I asked her what she was thinking she just said that she was not surprised in the slightest that this type of thing happened to me.

My knights in shining armour dropped me at Wedding Cake Rock and my body was safely back on safe ground. Wedding Cake Rock was beautiful and I thoroughly enjoyed the view, but I think my Mad Max esque adventure was the cherry on top.

My knights in shiny armour in all there glory... Told you I wasnt joking about the spears and the very tall man.

My girlfriend fantasised of a romance between me and my knight.... this was her oh so subtle hint. Smooth. 

And what is a Marlow Lou post without a few terribly unattractive but completely natural photos. Shakas braaaaaaa

LOVE YOURSELF

You were born to be real, not to be perfect. 

I was recently reading a transcript by Tal Ben-Shahar where he discussed the concept of perfectionism. He discussed two types of perfectionism. Firstly adaptive perfectionism, which is a healthy form of perfectionism where you strive for higher and higher standards. It is about working hard, making sure things are done well and acknowledging those achievements. The second type of perfectionism is maladaptive perfectionism; what Ben-Shahar described as unhealthy perfectionism. A form of perfection that rejects success,failure and painful emotions. "It is a fear of failure that is debilitating, and a fear of failure that doesn't allow us to try, to take risks, to explore, to meander" 

I have always associated myself as a perfectionist. A person who has always strived to do better and to be better. Unfortunately it didn't matter how well I was doing in my studies, professional life, personal life even in something as vain as my appearance - I was never good enough.  After reading Ben-Shahar's transcript I could finally relate to how I was feeling and it was this concept of maladaptive perfectionism. 

I have always felt this need to reach a perfect standard, but what is a perfect standard? Who defines when that perfect standard has been reached? There is no such definition and therefore it is an unattainable goal. Subconsciously knowing this I limit myself to certain things. I get extreme anxiety if I have to try something new or do something in front of someone with the fear that I may not be good at it. The fear that I may not be good enough. After reading the transcript I think a lightbulb went off in my head telling me that if I continue down this path I wont reach happiness or 'perfection', I will ultimately be doing the complete opposite. 

I agree with Ben Shahar when he said "If we want to live a good life, we first have to accept reality. Reality that constitutes failures and successes, emotional lows and everything in-between, and when we accept reality, when we accept nature for what it is, that's when we enjoy higher levels of motivation, happiness, and in the long term, success." 

Just a thought

XOXO 

On a side note - One of my all time favourite things in life are chickpeas! You can only imagine my pure enthusiasm/joy/scream at the top of my lungs excitement when I found a kilo tin of chickpeas on the side of the road. Don't worry I didn't eat them, but just to know that a kilo tin of chickpeas exists makes me oh so happy.