50 Shades of Grey

A friend of mine, who I met several months, ago invited me to a party last night. I didn’t know anyone attending (yep I was the loner who turned up by herself) but I thought screw it I’m young why not. Now when I say friend it is more like an acquaintance; he is a guy that I met whilst house hunting a while back, needless to say I did not know all the ins and outs of his life.

So I rock up to this party and I start chatting away to one of his friends who randomly asks me ‘so are you one of [let’s call him Matt] Matt’s companions?’.  I must have given him a very blank look because he sort of mumbled something and walked off.  So I quickly go off in search of Matt because now I am royally confused as to what this companion business is.

We are in the kitchen and I don’t know how else to approach it so here goes nothing. ‘Are you a…umm…how do I put this… Well you know the book 50shades of Grey… are you, well hmm…. What’s a companion?’. He sort of looks at me for a moment, head tilted to the side and lets out a chuckle, ‘are you asking me if I am into S&M? I thought you knew, but yes several of these women are my submissive’s’. 

What do you say to that? From memory I think I said something like ‘oh good’, not because I was judging him but because I had never been exposed to such things. Firstly I think good on him for being experimental and finding out what he likes sexually, secondly I think I was standing there thinking oh gosh I hope I wasn’t brought here to be a companion, my boyfriend will kill me!’.

For the rest of the night I danced, drank and chatted amongst these awesome people, the whole while imagining some sort of Christian Grey fantasy in my head. Don’t worry, the fantasy was the most 50 shades it got all night,it felt like I had walked straight into the lines of a book - I won't lie I was kind of loving it. 

Now, firstly I should apologise for the rude graffiti but I thought these images were slightly appropriate considering the topic of discussion. Also, these images were taken at night with an old phone thus why they aren't very good quality. I like it though, gives a very rough, street vibe to it all. Oh and the lady above is the sneaky minx who took the snaps.

  

Just a memory...

My heart broke a little this morning when I received some news that someone very close to me is no longer a part of my life. It is so weird to think of how much you have shared with someone whether they be a friend or a partner and to go from such intimacy, trust and love....to nothing. There is such a harsh change between loving someone and losing someone.

Not being able to see them, speak to them or pop over to their house to watch random sci-fi netflix; memories of skinny dipping, museum adventures, late night coast walks and midnight wedges feasts are no longer something of warmth and comfort but something that you wish to forget. Its sad this idea of someone who once meant so much to you merely becoming a memory…

When one of my girlfriends found out she told me that I am allowed half an hour to feel sorry for myself - so cry, yell do what you want but after that no more self-pity, pick yourself up and move on. People come and go and if they aren’t willing to stay in your life than they aren’t worth being a part of it. So remember that the next time someone doesn’t see your worth that you are amazing and if they cannot see that then it’s their loss not yours. 

Tomorrow is a new day, but for now let me have my half an hour. 

Stay beautiful.

Xx

Bad Habits

Brushing teeth

Now I know brushing your teeth is normal and healthy, however I am one of those weird people who brushes their teeth all the time. And I mean all the time. Every time I eat, consume a beverage or  if I am stressed out, I go and brush my teeth. I’m a weirdo I know.

The other day after my fifth time brushing my teeth I thought this is absolutely ridiculous. Firstly I am going to damage the enamel on my teeth and secondly my gum is going to start wearing away. Operation save my gums and enamel has begun.

Shaving

I am the worst at shaving my legs. My current partner thinks I’m an absolute feral because I can go weeks, ok let’s not lie months without shaving my legs. In my defence my hair is blonde so you can’t see the hair until I walk into the sun. I am like Edward off twilight my hairs glisten in the sun, so really my partner should be amazed that I am pretty much a vampire. However, for his sake I think it is time I start making the legs a little smoother because no one really likes prickly legs. 

Coffee

Since I started full time work I find that I curb exhaustion with cups of coffee. Now I’m not saying that coffee is bad for you but it is making me paranoid about my teeth. As vicious cycles go this in turn makes me brush my teeth more which effects habit no.1. Ah first world problems. Sorry to say coffee but you are going to have to go.

Passive aggressive

Yes, I am one of those terribly annoying people who says they are fine but inside they are fuming. I feel very sorry for my friends, family and partner because it would be so irritating trying to get me to communicate when they know I’m upset. So I have decided to just get angry and let the emotions go instead of bottling them up. Be prepared loved ones (jokes, kind of).   

Saying yes, but really being a no man

Last but not least I need to stop pretending to be a ‘yes man’. For example I always say that I will come out partying with friends and when the time to get ready and go out I always bail. I don’t mean occasionally I mean always. So I either need to stick to my original answer and go out, or be honest and say from the get go I am just not interested.

PS. Im just going to point out that I have a HUGE head. 

L O V E L O V E L O V E

We have all watched movies about extraordinary everlasting love that is never tainted, questioned or forgotten. I would love to be an optimist and say that this is true, that love like this does exist. Maybe it does, who am I to say it doesn’t but I myself am yet to experience such beautiful, unforsaken adulation from another person.

In my experience love is never that simple. I think as individuals we are all caught up in this concept of conditional love, a selfish love that is filled with attachments and needs. When you meet someone you are drawn to them because they meet your needs – these needs soon become strings of attachment to our affection. We may or may not realize this at the time but that person provides something for us, whether they make you feel good, they fill a void of loneliness or even something as vain as ‘they look good’ - there always seems to be a selfish need of fulfilment.

I believe that love should be built around happiness, acceptance and openness. Once the waves of lust wear thinner and thinner (I refuse to let this happen, let’s keep up the sex life spice ladies) all you have left is the deep core of someone. They are no longer masked with this feeling of ‘lust’ that very often gets confused with ‘love’. It purely comes down to them and you. When I love someone all I want is for them to be happy. I want this happiness to occur without any strings attached, without expectations of what they can do for me or what I can do for them; just pure and simple happiness. You will never completely like everything about someone, and vice versa, but you accept and enjoy those differences. To use a famous quote ‘the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return’.

Monday Muse - Bad Intentions