History

I could not love you if you could not understand.

I could not love you if you could not understand that your skin colour does not define who you are. If you are white, black, caramel, yellow, red or any other colour you have been blessed to be. Embrace it. Love it. I have been fortunate enough to never experience racism first hand. Friends of mine have. A male friend of mine with darker skin told me he wanted to scrub his skin off so he could be a better person. My heart died hearing him say this. For anyone else thinking the same please hear me when I say - WE ARE ALL EQUAL. You are beautiful no matter what skin colour, race or religion. If someone tries to put you down for your beautiful skin colour that radiates over your entire body they are not worthy of your time. Just because I have pale skin does not make me better than you. Just because you have darker skin, in know way makes you less than me. We are both one in the same.

I could not love you if you could not understand that all love is the same. It does not matter if a person prefers the opposite sex or the same sex. It does not make them different, it does not mean they need a label to define them - the love you give to another human does not define you. The love we give to another human is the same no matter if it is male or female. If I love a woman that does not mean I am confused. If a male friend of mine is in love with another man that does not make him disgusting, or weird or 'gay'. He is still the exact same person he has ever been. He does not need a label to define him, to shape him, to condemn him. All love is equal whether it is between a boy and a girl, two men or two women – heck lets throw an orgy of sexes in the mix. It does not matter.I could not love you if you were racist, sexist or homophobic. 

I could not love you because I refuse to love someone who empowers the oppression of others. Who demonise's and marginalises other beings for having a different skin colour, belief system or for being born a certain sex. I see each and everyone one of us as equal, if you cannot than I am sorry.

All images are by Eleanor Landford

LOVE YOURSELF

You were born to be real, not to be perfect. 

I was recently reading a transcript by Tal Ben-Shahar where he discussed the concept of perfectionism. He discussed two types of perfectionism. Firstly adaptive perfectionism, which is a healthy form of perfectionism where you strive for higher and higher standards. It is about working hard, making sure things are done well and acknowledging those achievements. The second type of perfectionism is maladaptive perfectionism; what Ben-Shahar described as unhealthy perfectionism. A form of perfection that rejects success,failure and painful emotions. "It is a fear of failure that is debilitating, and a fear of failure that doesn't allow us to try, to take risks, to explore, to meander" 

I have always associated myself as a perfectionist. A person who has always strived to do better and to be better. Unfortunately it didn't matter how well I was doing in my studies, professional life, personal life even in something as vain as my appearance - I was never good enough.  After reading Ben-Shahar's transcript I could finally relate to how I was feeling and it was this concept of maladaptive perfectionism. 

I have always felt this need to reach a perfect standard, but what is a perfect standard? Who defines when that perfect standard has been reached? There is no such definition and therefore it is an unattainable goal. Subconsciously knowing this I limit myself to certain things. I get extreme anxiety if I have to try something new or do something in front of someone with the fear that I may not be good at it. The fear that I may not be good enough. After reading the transcript I think a lightbulb went off in my head telling me that if I continue down this path I wont reach happiness or 'perfection', I will ultimately be doing the complete opposite. 

I agree with Ben Shahar when he said "If we want to live a good life, we first have to accept reality. Reality that constitutes failures and successes, emotional lows and everything in-between, and when we accept reality, when we accept nature for what it is, that's when we enjoy higher levels of motivation, happiness, and in the long term, success." 

Just a thought

XOXO 

On a side note - One of my all time favourite things in life are chickpeas! You can only imagine my pure enthusiasm/joy/scream at the top of my lungs excitement when I found a kilo tin of chickpeas on the side of the road. Don't worry I didn't eat them, but just to know that a kilo tin of chickpeas exists makes me oh so happy. 

Ride

I was in the winter of my life and the men I met along the road were my only summer. At night I fell asleep with visions of myself dancing and laughing and crying with them. Three years down the line...and my memories of them were the only things that sustained me. And my only real happy times. 

I was a singer. Not a very popular one.

I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a millions stars in the night sky. That I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken.  Bit I really didn't mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is.

When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I had been living, they asked me why… But there's no use in talking to people who have a home.  They have no idea what its like to seek safety in other people. For home to be wherever you lie your head. 

I was always an unusual girl. My mother told that I had a chameleon soul. No morel compass pointing me due north. No fixed personality 

Just an inner indecisiveness that was a wide and wavering as the ocean and if i said I didn't plan for it t turn out this way I'd be lying.

Because I was born to be the other woman.

Who belonged to no one.

Who belonged to everyone

who had nothing 

Who wanted everything 

With a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn't even talk about it and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me. 

- Lana Del Rey

we found love

It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear 

You almost feel ashamed 

That someone could be that important 

that without them, you feel like nothing

No one will ever understand how much it hurts

You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you

And when its over, and its gone

You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back

So that you could have the good…