LOVE YOURSELF

You were born to be real, not to be perfect. 

I was recently reading a transcript by Tal Ben-Shahar where he discussed the concept of perfectionism. He discussed two types of perfectionism. Firstly adaptive perfectionism, which is a healthy form of perfectionism where you strive for higher and higher standards. It is about working hard, making sure things are done well and acknowledging those achievements. The second type of perfectionism is maladaptive perfectionism; what Ben-Shahar described as unhealthy perfectionism. A form of perfection that rejects success,failure and painful emotions. "It is a fear of failure that is debilitating, and a fear of failure that doesn't allow us to try, to take risks, to explore, to meander" 

I have always associated myself as a perfectionist. A person who has always strived to do better and to be better. Unfortunately it didn't matter how well I was doing in my studies, professional life, personal life even in something as vain as my appearance - I was never good enough.  After reading Ben-Shahar's transcript I could finally relate to how I was feeling and it was this concept of maladaptive perfectionism. 

I have always felt this need to reach a perfect standard, but what is a perfect standard? Who defines when that perfect standard has been reached? There is no such definition and therefore it is an unattainable goal. Subconsciously knowing this I limit myself to certain things. I get extreme anxiety if I have to try something new or do something in front of someone with the fear that I may not be good at it. The fear that I may not be good enough. After reading the transcript I think a lightbulb went off in my head telling me that if I continue down this path I wont reach happiness or 'perfection', I will ultimately be doing the complete opposite. 

I agree with Ben Shahar when he said "If we want to live a good life, we first have to accept reality. Reality that constitutes failures and successes, emotional lows and everything in-between, and when we accept reality, when we accept nature for what it is, that's when we enjoy higher levels of motivation, happiness, and in the long term, success." 

Just a thought

XOXO 

On a side note - One of my all time favourite things in life are chickpeas! You can only imagine my pure enthusiasm/joy/scream at the top of my lungs excitement when I found a kilo tin of chickpeas on the side of the road. Don't worry I didn't eat them, but just to know that a kilo tin of chickpeas exists makes me oh so happy. 

FOCUS

Liberate yourself from the past.

I think the past can often define an individual. I am not saying that it should or that this statement applies to each and every single one of us but it is easy to let a moment, a person or a series of events hold you back.

I think as a sensitive and emotional person I am often pulled into the past – a flashback of thoughts or moments that cannot be changed. They often consume and drown me into a sea of sadness that is extremely hard to pull myself out of.

I find that getting caught up in things that you cannot change is often poisonous to the soul. The past is something that is solid, untouchable – a piece of time that cannot be changed (unless you are a time traveller and if you are can I please join you on some adventures).  If that is the case why do we often let these thoughts control us? Why do we often dwell on those moments, people and events that we cannot change?

I catch myself thinking about this quite frequently. If we all just lived in the present moment – the here and now – how would we feel? Whenever a friend is stressing or in need of some advice I always come back to this one statement, ‘in this moment, right now, what is there to be unhappy about?’ If you actually think about this statement in a very literal sense, most of the time you are in quite a healthy, happy space. As I sit here typing I am alone in my bedroom drinking wine and listening to tunes. There are so many elements of my past that I could be upset about and so many elements of my future that if I over analysed would cause me great anxiety. So if I focused on this exact moment what is there to be unhappy about? Absolutely nothing.

Often we are upset about things that have occurred or things that we think will occur, but never about the present moment. If I were crying right now it would not be about something that is happening, it would be about something that has occurred. Whether that be two minutes ago or two hours ago…. It is still in the past.

I guess what I am trying to say in this very long winded and possibly confusing rant is that I want you to focus on you. Not who you were or who you are going to be but you right now. Focus on that beautiful person right now because I can assure you that majority of the time this present being is happy, healthy and going to be alright.

So lets live in the present. Not the past, not the future but this gorgeous, special moment you are in right here, right now.

XOXO

Kaleidoscope Eyes

We see what we want to see. It may sound harsh but sometimes we look for the imperfections or the mistakes, the filth on the street and the negative in ones personality. We see it because we are looking for it. To some this may look like vandalism; hideous markings of spray paint covering a building. To me this is art. This is expression. This is a culture. 

Generally I am trying to escape the city; rebalance and find myself within nature. This last weekend i didn't venture to the nearest woodlands instead I wandered the streets of the city. I escaped to the footpath, to the rhythm of my own footsteps pounding on the pavement. I was searching for a distraction, something new to fill my mind and thoughts with.What I found was beautiful women peering at me from the side of a building, a single eye opening itself to the world, my childhood memories splattered across bricks.What I found was walls of self expression from all walks of life. 

We choose what we want to see. I choose to see beauty and art in all things through these kaleidoscope eyes. 

to the moon and back...

We often get caught up in our own problems; fixated on all the tiny things that are wrong in our lives.  Your relationship has ended, you don’t like the way you look, your job is boring and you have no motivation at the moment to do anything. These are things that we all think and experience but are they really that bad?

A few days ago I was having one of these days. I couldn’t do anything right in my opinion, I was secluding myself from those whom I love and I was putting my health at a lot of risk. I was so fixated on all these little things that I became bogged down in destructive thinking and self hate. I remember feeling a need to escape and get out of the house.

That night I sat on the beach and stared at the moon. I thought about all the minute things that impact my energy and their relevance in my life. Yes, most of the time these things seem like the most important thing in the world to me, but they aren’t really. I am fortunate enough to say that I live in a country where I feel safe, I have a family that loves me and the freedom to live a long happy life. Things I often forget to remind myself of. 

As I stared at the moon I felt so selfish for getting bogged down in vain and materialistic obsessions. I sat there in complete silence until I felt cleansed of all the negativity I myself had created. I think we all need to take the time to reflect on our lives. Reflect on what is really important, so here is to that beautiful moon.

XOXO  

peace of mind