My journey with anxiety

During my teenage years I would suffer excruciating, chest tightening pains to the point that I would lose breathe, burst into tears and clutch at my heart area concerned that I was having a heart attack. After multiple doctors tests and days spent wearing machines that measured my heartbeat, all doctors could tell me was that I had an extremely slow heartbeat. Much to my dismay that solved none of the problems I was currently experiencing.

For the next few years I continued to suffer erratic chest pains. Doctors trialled me on medication, yet I would still continue to experience moments of uncontrollable panic, piercing pain and shortness of breath. I stopped telling my parents what was happening because I knew it would only worry them. I would erratically take my medication which was pointless in assisting anything and I felt like I was in a constant state of worry. 

I had seen so many medical professionals over the years who unfortunately couldn't get to the root of the problem, so I sought more holistic help. I sought help from a wellness professional. 

After a couple of episodes she sat me down and she asked me, 'are you a worrier? You mentioned that your Grandmother and your mother tend to worry, do you also?' Without a second thought I knew the answer was yes. I worried about absolutely everything.

She ran me through what she thought was happening. She explained to me that worrying can range in severity and what I was experiencing was anxiety. After much research it all made sense - the hot and cold flushes, the tightening of the chest, the snowballing of worries that quickly turned into an avalanche. At first it was hard to control. The panic would still come and go, but at least I knew why the pain was occurring. 

Eventually I developed steps and a routine that would assist with my anxiety. For any of my readers that may experience anxiety I thought it would be nice to share what worked for me. Although they may seem quite trivial and basic, it is often the simplest of tasks that make the biggest difference: 

-       Take time out

-       Breath deeply

-       Exercise daily

-       Sleep

-       Eat well

I have unfortunately run out of time and am rushing between jobs to get this up, so stay tuned as my next posts I will run you through exactly what I do to calm myself on a daily basis to get through moments of anxiety. 

For those of you out there not coping feel free to touch base, shoot me an email. I understand exactly how it feels and am always here to listen. In the meantime be calm, slow down your breathing and remember this too shall pass. 

Marlow Lou

xoxo

Journey to self love

Society has taught that worth is defined by wealth, status, beauty, sex and power. Without such things a person is made to feel worthless or less than those who do. When defined by such materialistic and vain barriers it can remove all forms of positive self-perception. If the mind begins to start filling the body and soul with negative self-talk and emotions, the body will begin to outwardly show those feelings. 

So hear this now. Vain, materialistic possessions and achievements will only bring temporary happiness. To achieve lifelong happiness - that must be found within. In order to achieve this, self-perception needs to be shifted and focused on the core nature of the being. Who am I? What makes me happy? How can I love myself? 

To begin this journey the most important thing is to start listening to your thoughts. Thoughts that are controlling, self-doubting or negative. Recognise when you are thinking a certain way and why. Instead of moving away from these thoughts and feelings try and understand them. Start to be aware of what the mind is doing through negative self-talk, self-abandonment, judgment, various addictions or coping mechanisms. 

When feeling this way there are two pathways that can be taken. The first is to protect against the pain and use negative coping mechanisms, such as addictive and controlling behaviour, to temporarily forget such thoughts. The second option is to understand these feelings. Learn why the mind is feeling this way, why it is reacting to a circumstance in this manner and why it seems to be causing pain? Whether it be pain through self-infliction or blame, understand why it is happening and how action can be taken to improve on the current, destructive methods being implemented. 

If the second option is taken on board (fingers crossed it is), know that these types of changes don't happen overnight. This will be a continuous journey of self- development, self-healing and positive thinking. It will be one of the hardest journey's to go on because it is challenging the way thoughts are processed and it is tackling a massive opponent. That opponent is the all-consuming, negative self.

After commitment, consistency and connection with oneself there will be change. A change for the better. A self-discovery that by loving yourself everything in your life improves. Relationships with others, outlooks on life, wellbeing and so much more. 

Love yourself for who you are right now! Every person is a constant work in progress so be present and enjoy the journey. Whilst loving who you are keep aiming to better yourself physically, mentally and emotionally to continue striving to be the best version of yourself possible. Create a passionate, fulfilled and joyful life, you won't regret it. 

Tips to takeaway

• Begin your day with love. Get out of bed and do something beneficial for your body. Go for a walk, drink a delicious cup of tea and just be at one with your mind. 
• Language is so important so talk yourself happy. Use affirmations to change your mind to become more positive
• Be honest. If you are feeling upset express it. Burying emotions and thoughts will fix nothing. Talking and resolving feelings will.
• Be patient. Changing years of negative emotions and self talk doesn't change overnight. Enjoy the journey and look forward to the result 
• Appreciate the small things
• Breathe
• Forgive yourself 
• Last but not least stop comparing yourself to others. You are beautiful just the way you are 

You&Me

~ Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe its about un-becoming everything that isn't really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place ~

Unknown 

~ Like wildflowers; you must allow yourself to grow in all the places people thought you never would ~

E.V.

Outfit Details:

Jacket, slip dress and hat - Op Shop finds

Shoes - Diana Ferrari 

Photographer - H.Landford

Be gentle with yourself

It sometimes amazes and exhausts me how self-critical we have become. I say 'we' because I do not distinguish myself from this statement. I too critique myself, put myself down and  pick on my imperfections. Is this healthy? No. Do I do it even though I know it is unhealthy? Yes. The answer we all need to ask ourselves is why do we do it? 

I find that I often put myself down or criticise myself and others when I am stressed, scared, threatened or insecure. In a sense, it becomes a fight or flight reaction. We are reacting to something negatively to protect ourselves. 

For instance, in every single one of these photos I look happy, energetic and lively. Little do you know that I am showcasing one of my biggest insecurities - my stomach. Am I fat? Nope. Do I have a chiselled six pack, most definitely not. I have a flat, very pale little belly and this little belly has caused me many tears and upsets of the years. 

I uploaded a photo to my Instagram and in the caption I made a joke about my stomach, making fun of myself before others could get in first. Why? Well I have come to realise that whenever something is going wrong in my life - stress at work, lack of motivation, a fight with a partner - I take it out on myself. There have been days where I have focused so much on the negatives that I have not left the house, cut out my friends and family all to make myself feel worse. I guess I am so used to it now that I get in there and self-critique before others can. A form of self-punishment and preservation all at the same time. 

Where did this get me? Absolutely nowhere. 

Sadly, only through experience have I learnt that this kind of reaction, self-critique and self-punishment never works. It has never made me feel better about myself or lead me to combat what is truly bothering me. 

Time, multiple tears and a few Bridget Jones movie nights later have I come to realise that right now is the best possible version of myself that I can be. Beating myself up and not accepting me for who I am leads to a sad, lonely and unhealthy life. 

Don't get me wrong, I am sure I will still have moments where I am extremely self-critical but my focus now is to remember that I am doing the best that I can do. To make sure I actually do this I am going to focus on daily mantras that will trigger positive thoughts. I will leave you now with my mantra for the day, I hope it triggers beautiful thoughts for you too.

~ Be gentle with yourself you're doing the best you can ~

XOXO

 A little shoutout to my photographer and general happiness maker Mr Hickey (check out his bearded magic on Insta, I dare you). Thank you for being you and taking photos of me in front of giant blue walls.