I feel messy, dishevelled and utterly unprepared for life at the moment. It's funny how one moment you can feel so on top of things, so ready to attack everything the future has in store and then next minute your a crumbling heap of insecurities.
I am currently fighting of some hideous virus that has knocked my body for six, and apparently taken my self confidence with it too. For the last week I have been holed up in bed sleeping, blowing my nose with aloe vera tissues that now feel like sandpaper and coughing up both lungs. I haven't exercised, the only thing my body wants is sugar, fat laden foods and to be honest I am feeling slightly sorry for myself.
I think I hit an all time low this afternoon. I was home alone, my nose was driving me insane with its constant river of snot, my eyes were weeping constantly from the infection they too had contracted and I had recently developed and ear infection. *Insert pity hugs here*. I looked in my bedroom mirror and saw someone so unhappy with their current situation, a slob in fact who had let the last week get the better of them. I felt soft, overweight and downright ugly.
It is weird how a few days of being out of routine and not living my normal happy, healthy lifestyle knocked me for six. I called my mother, aka my sanity, in a sobbing mess feeling truly miserable and sorry for myself.
I still don't feel happy, something that I really dislike but I am going to have a night to myself, breathe, play guitar, weave and write. Do things for myself that do not involve my physical appearance or my health. Things that make me happy. I will go to bed shortly and who knows I may wake up tomorrow still feeling shit and your know what, that is ok. I'm taking each day as it comes at the moment - shitty moments and all.