I often day dream of you and I. You, the one that got away.
I listened as you told me how she kissed another. I don’t know how she did it; I could never have if I was with you and you were with me. You were the ocean - calm, resilient and peaceful. I was the wind - destructive, cold and distant. But you kept coming back. I know now I was a void to momentarily fill her place; I was the vessel but she was the soul.
I knew you loved her. I waited patiently for you to stop but you never did stop.
You picked me up one night and drove me to the beach. We parked and spent the next hour or so gazing out at the ocean. We barely knew each other but we both stayed there and spoke of love, tragedy and loss. The best friend who died from sadness, the forgiveness you will never allow yourself to feel. Loved ones drugged up abuse and yearning for things we were not allowed. We both spoke of sadness, but I sat there in complete serenity.
You never had to choose one or the other, but you did, and why I will never know.
If I don’t see you again I will be ok. Happy in fact. I know that I met another soul who radiated all the things in this universe that I love. Your spirit was infectious, kind, adventurous, loving and understanding. You were a friend I so dearly needed but you came and went too quickly.
If you can be happy and envious all at the same time, then that is what I am. I am happy because you are happy. I am envious because she has you wholly when all I wanted was a fragment.
You are the one that got away.
Photos by Eleanor Landford