Wednesday, 6 May 2015

Remember December

It was a scattered December and a drawn out January. My heart was holding on so tightly, I knew I should run away, but I kept running back; back to you, back to this, back to a hollow nothing that encompassed us both.

I sipped on tea and stared out the stained glass window. ‘You bore me’, I whispered as you sat there staring emptily through the television screen. You turned to me, your matted mane falling into your face. You always looked at me so deeply, but once admitted to me you saw nothing, that it was just emptiness passing through your mind. 

The rain started to pour heavily, I turned back to my window imagining a day when you might look at me like I was somebody. I heard the door close and you were gone.

You now stood in the pouring rain beckoning me to come out and join you. Yelling, ‘am I boring now?’ As you laid down in the dirt ridden puddles I saw you again as I first saw you. Beautiful, kind, adventurous and playful.

I joined you in the sharp, cold downpour and embraced you with all the strength I had. Leaning in you spoke softly, ‘Race me’ you say. Taking off towards the ocean. I follow, a giggling mess of blonde curls and sodden clothes. I reach the edge of the ocean and you are there waiting. We both take off our clothing piece by piece, tossing them onto the sand that covers the empty beach. Racing into the water I forgot your emotionless thoughts and dark eyes. You were here with me, and I with you. We were one.

You kissed me there, our naked bodies pressed together. You kissed me like I was the only woman you had ever kissed. I for the first time felt valued. We frolicked, just the two of us in and out of the ocean. Our bodies enjoying the freedom no longer trapped in the cotton of our clothing. I was free.

You cleansed me in the waters of this earth and we swam  naked as if a thousand cold hands were washing over our bodies. For a fleeting moment we were one. I loved you wholly and you were looking at me like I was something, instead of nothing.

We wandered out of the ocean. You walked in front and I watched you as I often did. Many times you are clouded by a darkness but I felt in this moment you were finally you, free from the confounds of your own mind.

I ran towards you.
I often felt like I was never close enough, no matter how entwined our bodies were I was never really touching you.
We wandered back.

We got to the path and it was covered by a large pool of water, growing bigger by the second with the heavy downpour. ‘Wait here you said’, as you ran off towards our house. I sat down in the puddle, unabashed of what onlookers might think, absorbed completely in that moment. You returned moments later with a bottle of bubble bath.

You filled my natural bathtub with the syrup and we splashed and squealed making a mound of glistening white bubbles. I had a bubble beard and you a bubble hat. There was no one else but you and I. Free from the glooming dark clouds that fog our minds, free from our realities – this was our moment.

In this moment you fooled me…but I have held onto that moment ever since.

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