A year ago I met someone who I had an instant connection with; he made me feel things I can’t even put into words. I was filled me with a sense of excitement, freedom and positive energy that I hadn’t experienced before.
Overtime he seemed to lose that spark, he became distant and cold and all I wanted to do was shake him, wake him up and make him become the person I once fell in love with. I don’t think either of us were happy any more but I was still holding onto this hope that maybe he would come back. Every now and then I would catch glimpses of the person I knew. I would hold on to the thought that he would once again be that person that made me feel like nothing else in the world mattered, I grasped onto this feeling so tightly that I couldn’t see how unhappy I was making myself. He was no longer that person - he was now a cold, distant shell of the person I once adored.
I knew I couldn’t keep doing this as the current circumstances weren’t making either of us happy. I finally needed to bite the bullet, knowing that I may lose him, and ask him how he really felt about me. When I asked him he paused for a while and his response was ‘well.. I think you are alright’…
I know I was hoping for an answer such as ‘I like you, I want this and I want to make this work’ so in that single moment my heart just dropped. I really had lost him.
I knew I deserved better than ‘alright’ so needless to say things ended, but there was still this hint of self-doubt in the back of my mind going ‘I don’t understand, what did I do wrong?' This is where we all need to halt, take a step back and stop blaming ourselves. Of course, I had a role to play in our relationship and there were times when I did not make things easy, but you can never change a person or make someone feel the way you want them to.
If you keep putting your self-worth in the hands of someone else you will NEVER be good enough. Don’t let someone else take out their insecurities and issues on you. Do not settle for anything less than amazing because that is what you deserve. You deserve someone who adores you, someone who makes you feel good about yourself and vice-versa. You deserve to feel the way I felt in the beginning, excited to see them, to hear from them and to just be around them. You should want to be around each other and uplift one another.
Trust me when I say, I know it is hard and that it hurts. We all wish things could be different but sometimes you can’t fix everything. So for now don’t settle for something ordinary, aim for something extraordinary.